i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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