the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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