so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
