I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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