you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
