I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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