I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize