Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
