I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize