Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We're too hungover to prance.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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