So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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