my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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