She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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