Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
