Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
