Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize