btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
