You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
