No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
