You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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