So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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