An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
