The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
