One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
