this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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