There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
