If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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