Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
