Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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