you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this just has baby written all over it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
