yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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