So drunk its hurt
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
