my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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