I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
