you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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