we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
