you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
