Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I could fuck to npr.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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