and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
