Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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