girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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