Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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