Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
