Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
