a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
