I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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