It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
