I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize