He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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