The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
