ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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