i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
