woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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