ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
