if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
