i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize