I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
