You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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