I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
