I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
