its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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