she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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