Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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