I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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