quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
